


I'm You and You're Me?

by AFlamingBisexual



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Also they swear, Angst probably, Bodyswap, Connor is in Evans body and Evan is in connors, F/F, Fluff, I Don't Even Know, I'm Bad At Tagging, It'll probably be vague, Jared is bi, M/M, Not sexually, OC, So is evan, Zoe is pan, a little bit of magic, bodyswap au, connor is gay, i suck, maybe smut later?, of course there's gonna be angst connor murphy is here, pls enjoy, treebros, who do i think i am
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2018-11-19 16:48:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11317584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AFlamingBisexual/pseuds/AFlamingBisexual
Summary: One day Connor had decided to buy a bit more weed from his new dealer, get very high, and pass out. He wakes up to a surprise.





	1. Intro

**Author's Note:**

> I BARELY KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT WITCHCRAFT AND VOODOO AND I KNOW THEY DONT HAVE ANY CORRELATION BUT I VISITED SO MANY SITES TRYING TO FIND OUT HOW TO MAKE THIS NOT TRASH I LOVE U GUYS PLS DO NOT DO AN ANGER AT MY CLUELESSNESS
> 
> Please give me feedback because I don't know if this is good or if I should continue at all?
> 
> Also this is like one of the only chapters that Alex is in. Because i wanna focus on interaction and stuff. But shes slighty important . 
> 
> This isn't proofread so if you find like, typos or something please tell me.

Connor Murphy got a new drug dealer when the last one Andre showed up when his parents were home. They freaked when they saw a guy with a hoodie step into their house without any warning. Connor had to explain to Cynthia they were a friend and he didn't tell her because she'd make a big deal about him having a 'friend'. Conner didnt ask from Andre after that.

His new one, was a girl. Something different about his previous dealers. He was somewhat asking her so that he wouldn't be tempted to ask if he needed to do some extra favors to get a bit more weed. He didn't think of girls that way, and he never did. They were definitely cute and everything, but Connor didn't think of them as fucking material.

The girls name was Alex, her hair was about zoes length but bright blue, and went around in soft curls. She wore winged eyeliner and bright red lipstick. Her outfits usually consisted of something dark, purples and dark blues usually in the shade range. Sometimes even a nice maroon. She was very calm spirited and sometimes a bit sarcastic. Connor didn't have any plans to become her friend, but maybe one day if he decided on it.

It was around 6 when Alex came over, a backpack with odd charms and what Connor guessed were keychains or something.

"So, you want your regular? I gotta make this quick if wanna get to my date on time. " She shrugged her backpack off. Connor paused before replying "Yeah, but you aren't even going to school yet and you've got a date?"

"What? I've got ties here, but she totally fucked up Connor. I'm only going on this date for revenge! Word of advice Connor, don't fuck with me." Alex shuffled around in her backpack before pulling out a bag of weed and a smaller brown bag.

"Alright, this," she held up the small brown bag before continuing "is a gift,don't open it, just leave it on a shelf or something, hell you can loose it, just loose it in your room. Yeah?"

Connor raised an eyebrow in confused and nodded slowly and took the small bag and the weed, handing her a 20. "Thanks, I'm leaving my bag in one of your bushes and I'll get it on the way home. Bye!" She ran out the front door and shut it on the way out.

Connor watched as she ran across the lawn and throwing her backpack into a bush right before she disappeared around the corner. He decided to go upstairs, get high off his ass and then pass out. So he did exactly that.


	2. Waking up in Your Skin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to wait a while before I published the next chapter but the first was was like 400 words so I think it's fair if I post another.

Connor Murphy woke up with a tree book on his face he didn't even know he had. He figured he picked the book out of his closet in hopes of finding something about weed. What an idiot he was. He picked the book off his face and rubbed his eyes a bit.

His hands felt odd, and hell, so did his face, it was rounder and a bit soft too. Shit he was probably still high. He looked around the room a bit and realized, it wasn't his. Damn. He was really high. Jesus why was it so blue in here. It gave Connor a headache.

He got out of the bed and was in khakis and a blue shirt, a cast, over his arm. "Oh what the hell" he choked a bit when he heard his voice. It was different. He rushed out of the room looking around for the bathroom.

When he found it he rushed in and almost slipped at how he looked.

"Hansen. Whatthefu-" he had cut himself short when he saw Evans, or his lips moving. That was him. "Shit, I am so high." He mumbled, touching his face, and the mirror after a while, confirming it was a mirror.

Connor turned around and walked out of the bathroom. Other than him being in someone else's body, he felt totally fine. He went down the stairs and into a small living room that was shared by a kitchen. It was different than his own big and luxurious home. It was simple and Connor liked it.

"Hey honey!" A voice greeted warmly. Connor turned around "you've been writing your letters, right?" She continued, smiling softly. Connor wanted to smile back, something about her was sincere.

"Yeah, sure" he nodded, not exactly sure what she had meant. "You're fine with school today right? I'm sorry that I wasn't there yesterday when you had to come home, someone broke their leg tripping on some stairs and I had to help out. " She said from the kitchen, bringing back a bagel covered in a bit of cream cheese apparently for him.

"Yeah I'll go." Connor decided, he scolded himself for a few seconds in his head because he was definitely high and had no idea what he was doing. But before he could take it back the woman was hugging him and Connor didn't know how to react.

Before Connor could push her off she had let go, and turned around to pick the keys off the counter. "Do you want a ride?" She smiled. Connor nodded, and they were out the door in a few minutes.

_______________________________________________________

 

Evan Hansen woke up, and his mouth felt dry. He turned over to pick up the glass of water he kept on his bedside table and fell off the bed with a yelp.

Evan opened his eyes and almost jumped right off the floor. Zoe Murphy stood in the doorway with a baseball bat in her hand, and it dropped when she saw him on the floor.

"Jesus Connor, get up and get downstairs. Mom thought you weren't getting up today because you were passed out and smelled like weed, but you're totally not high." She scoffed and turned, walking out the door.

Evan sat there, wide-eyed and letting a million questions run through his head. He wasn't in his own room and he was struck by anxiety.

He started breathing heavy because he suddenly felt like the air started to run out. He curled in on himself and took his knees into his arms, pressing them into his chest. His eyes were closed tight, but his arms felt longer and his jeans we're tighter around his legs. Not only that but his arm didn't have a cast. He felt a bit more calm because, this was probably a dream since his arm didn't hurt at all.

He had stood up, and wiped his eyes after a few minutes of controlled breathing he forced upon himself. He had walked out of the room and decided to play along until he had woken up, with his mom and his own house. He was still a bit shaken, but wanted to see what he looked like.

He was always anxious about how he looked in the morning and spent a good 15 messing with his face before leaving the bathroom. He knew it was stupid and irrational thanks to Jared, but he couldn't help it.

The place he was in, was completely unfamiliar. There were so many pictures up on the hallway walls, family pictures. There was usually four people in the pictures and he assumed that they were of Zoes family, when she was younger. There was also her brother, who he couldn't exactly remember himself, but assumed it was Connor, he was smiling. Evan hadn't ever seen Connor smile, and it worked on him.

The newer pictures were different. Connor wasn't in any of them. And the family was still smiling, but it was off, more broken. Evan stopped looking at the pictures before he had felt like he'd invaded too much privacy.

He had walked down the stairs right outside of the bathroom and then what he assumed was the dining room. Nobody except the older women looked up from the table.

"You have to go to school today, Connor, I'm constantly getting notifications about your grades going down significantly because of absence. It's only been 2 weeks since you've been in school!" She stated, and before he could reply the man chimed in. "He's not going to listen. He's probably high."

"I agree. I'm getting my stuff ready." Zoe stood up from the table and left.


	3. Seeing myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor and Evan meet in each other's bodies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been uploaded because I said I would update fast after the intro and I didn't so now I'm putting up more because I love u guys. Haha wow there's lots of people reading this probably. :')
> 
> Also I think this one is a lil sucky because it was rlly hard to write and it pretty much just a mess.  
>  
> 
> Edit: Omg ok so I messed up chapters and this one somehow ended up before the second chapter, and then there was 2 waking up in your skin and I'm still rlly confused but I think this should work? (aND BTW I TOTALLY FUCKING DELETED ALL OF THE COMMENTS SO NOW THERES ONLY 6 IM VERY SAD RIP ME )': )

Evan was nervous in the car, messing with the black nail polish that was already chipped. Maybe he'd invest in his own nail polish. But then Jared would make fun of him and-

"Why are you coming today? You're obviously high. " Zoe said, fingers tapping on the steering wheel. "W-wha- I just, um. I'm n-not high." Evan stuttered, looking down. "Are you doing crack or something because you're acting really nervous and it's freaking me out a bit. "

"No I just- I'm just really nervous I guess right now I mean I guess I just have to go and talk to someone about something. But I mean I don't really care a-alright that thing because I don't really care a-about anything at all because thats just sort of the way that i am" Evan tried to speak like Connor Murphy, but he failed miserably, he knew nothing about Connor except he didn't really show up to school very much.

When Zoe stopped for a stop sign she looked over at Evan, and raised an eyebrow. "You're so weird, Connor. " She noticed how he had been more shaky, and how he had slouched a bit more, as if trying to curl in on himself.

She shrugged and turned back to the road. "Whatever."

________________________________________

Connor already liked this woman. Even if he didn't know her name. She smiled like she was so happy about Evan, but so exhausted.

"Have you gotten anyone to sign your cast?" She smiled, her eyes on the road as she turned left, nearing the school.

Connor looked down at it turning it around and a little bit of pain going up to the rest of his arm, it was blank. " Nope."

Her face broke Connor's heart a little bit. She look heartbroken, and Connor was quick to fix it.

"But I'm sure I'll get someone to sign it today." Connor smiled, looking down, and feeling a little bit like an idiot because he was high and definitely imagining all of this.

"That's great honey," her smile returning slowly. " I don't see Jared's name so I expect it soon." She finished.

Connor almost choked on the air. He hated Kleinman with a burning passion. The only thing holding him back from beating the absolute shit out of him, was his self control.

As much as he tried already, to get his family to not look down on him, was to try harder. He didn't want Zoe to look at him like she was terrified. Or his mom to look at him like she was so confused, or disappointed, like she was so unsure of what to do to help him. Or his dad, to act like he'd have any other kid.

He slowed down on drinking, the fighting, even the cutting. He would be lying if he said he wasnt itching to fall back into it all. But he'd also be lying if he said he wasn't proud of it. He wanted to tell everyone how proud he was and how glad he was that things were changing, as hard as it was.

Connor stopped his thoughts and nodded. This high was seriously fucking with him.

________________________________________

When Evan walked into the school, Zoe was already out of sight from him. He was instantly noticed. Every few seconds, small groups of people seemed to stare at him for a few seconds before turning back and continuing to talk. Evan couldn't shake the feeling that they're talking about him.

He pulled his eyes to the ground, avoiding eye contact with anyone. Usually his dreams ended here, and he wasn't very aware, but there wasn't any way he was in Connor Murphy's body.

Suddenly a million things went through his head. He didn't know Connor's locker number, or his class schedule. Or classes he never showed up to. Evan panicked and walked quickly into the nearest bathroom, locking himself in a stall and hyperventilating.

Thankfully it was empty, no one was there to hear his sobbing. He leaned against the wall and cried.

___________________________________________

Connor walked into the building and felt invisible. He stood like he normally did. His head down a bit, it made him look like he didn't want to be bothered, and that way people never really talked to him. But something was telling him it wasn't necessary. 

He wasn't being stared at, he wasn't gossiped about. It was different and it was sort of overwhelming. He wasn't asking for it, but it made him feel happy, he smiled for a few seconds, right before Jared Kleinman showed up.

"Hey you fucking leaf. Fall out of any more trees?" He asked scoffing a bit. Connor felt rage boil immediately inside of his stomach, just at the sight.

"Fuck you, you fat, motherfucking peice of absolute shit! I'm pretty sure that I wear heels bigger than your goddamn dick! And you sure as hell know I don't wear fucking heels!" Connor pushed him lightly, earning a few shocked glared from the rest of the kids in the hall who immediately went back to walking in the hall.

Connor was more amused by the look of pure shock on Jared Kleinmans face. He stood there for a while before laughing a bit " Oh my god Evan. What the fuck was that?" He exclaimed.

" That was me telling the fucking truth Kleinman! Now if you'll fucking excuse me!" Connor turned around and walked off into the bathroom around the corner. Where he turned on one of the sink, splashed some water in his face and sighed

He turned around and leaned on the sink. He was just leveling his breath. But Connor made the mistake of not checking to see if the bathroom was empty before doing so, and faced something he didn't expect.

He opened his eyes and saw himself, quietly watching from inside a stall, the door open just a bit. He was crying, his face was red and his eye were puffy. It was gross. But it was all put aside when the reality of everything set in. He was staring at himself, and he wasn't even if front of a mirror.

"What the fuck."

" O-oh I didn't- I just - I dont- what is happening? " Evan stuttered, changing the way he was starting his sentence every millisecond and crying at the same time. They were both confused.

" I'm pretty sure I'm dreaming and this is all fake or some sort of joke to see me freak out and this isn't really a reason to be crying or anything. And if this is a joke, wow um that was really incredible and realistic, and oh no if it wasn't I sound like an idiot now I'm so sor-"

" Shut the fuck up." Connor interrupted him. They were both dealing with an extreme amount of shock. Connor leaned over and pinched his arm. Evan jolted "Ow!" He exclaimed, rubbing where Connor had pinched him.

Panic set onto him and he stood wide eyed. "I'm not asleep. I'm totally awake. This is real, oh my god this is real." Evan began to sink onto the floor, leaning on the bathroom wall and Connor stood there confused on what to do.

"I'm not fucking high am I?" He started down at himself. "N-no?" Evan muttered looking at his hands.

"Slap me." Connor said kneeling down. "What?! No! I'm not going to slap you, what if I hurt you or something and you get upset, or you have to go to the nurse because I hit you too hard, o-or-"

"Do it. If I'm high it won't hurt as bad. " Connor said. Evan shook his head. Connor turned and slammed the casted arm into the side of the bathroom sink, hard.

It made a noise that made Evan flinch, and Connor winced in pain. Evan swore he felt his arm ping with just the slightest amount of pain.

"Shit yeah definitely not fucking high." He curled his arm into his chest. He looked down, the cast was slightly dented. "Sorry about that, fuck!" He held his arm tightly.

"Oh my god why did you do that, crap that probably hurt really bad?" Evan scrambled over to him, fumbling a bit because of his legs. He grabbed his arm carefully. Connor scrunched his nose at the slight discomfort.

Connor laughed. " You wouldn't slap me so I hit the sink Because I'm an idiot. Im sure it's fine. Give it a few minutes. We should probably talk about how I'm looking at my own fucking body Hansen?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pls comment I'll love you forever.


	4. A conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Evan began to look any where other than the only recently shorter boy in front of him. "Uh, I don't really know, actually? I mean if I did I don't really think that I would like to be in your body. Not that you're bad or anything I-sorry- actually really don't know you-"

"You keep rambling. You don't have to do that. I'm a freak but I'm not gonna fucking shoot you, Hansen." Connor cut him off. "We should get to class, but I have no idea what classes you have except for the ones we have together, so, we could skip?" Connor offered.

"Sure, but won't we get in trouble. What if they call my mom, and then it'll go on my record, and I won't be able t-"

"Jesus fucking christ Hansen, calm down. We aren't gonna fucking murder anyone." Connor shook his head a bit. "Didn't you leave the other day, because of some reason?"

Evan looked up "S-sorry. How did you know?" He had a look on his face that made Connor hate his face just a little bit more.

"I talked to your mom when I woke up thinking I was still really high." Connor was scratching at his nails, as if there was nail polish there, Connor stopped when he realized there wasn't any.

"Oh, she was there?" Evan looked at Connor. "Yeah, why? Is she never home or something?" Connor asked.

"She's usually always busy. I don't see her a lot." Evan looked down again.

"I didn't take your phone. I thought I was high so I didn't see the use."

"I thought I was still dreaming." Evan shrugged.

" Why did you take my bag then?" Connor asked. "Actually I really don't know, um I'm sorry." Evan restrained from rambling because he knew that Connor would get mad at him.

"I'll go to the office and call your mom I guess? Just to let her know if you want?" Connor looked at Evan, who was fumbling to take the bag off of his shoulder. "U-uh yeah, um, tell her that, I- um, you had an anxiety attack, o-or- you felt, um s-sick, but probably the first on because she's a nurse and shell check when she gets home. If she does."

"Right. First period ends in a bit, I'll wait by the front for you. Just walk out when the halls get crowded." Connor took the canvas bag and turned around to walk out of the bathroom into the empty hall.

____________________________________

Connor was leaning against a tree when Evan came out of the building, obviously panicking.

"I'm am positive that was the most terrifying thing I have ever done, Connor."

Connor laughed and walked off, heading to the sidewalk where the school grounds end. "You're such a pussy." he chuckled.

"Oh I'm sorry."

"You're going to actually drive me crazy if you say fucking sorry again Hansen." Connor grumbled.

"S- nevermind. Um, what do you think, we should do?" Evan walked closely behind him down the sidewalk.

"Is there really anything we can do?" Connor replied, messing with the canvas bag around his shoulders.

"I don't think so, we don't really know anything. We could probably set up a time, to go to the library, a-and look for information?" Evan suggested. "And we're going to find out information about being put in someone else's body? I doubt it Hansen." He scoffed.

"W-well, yeah you're right, sor-"

"Dont." Connor interrupted, knowing what he wouldve said if he continued speaking. Evan opened his mouth to speak but closed it, and nodded.

___________________________________

They walked for 15 minutes before Connor had gotten tired and decided to sit down at a park. Evan followed him and sat down on the bench across from him. Connor looked up at Evan, and smiled.

" Shit." Connor laughed a bit. Evan looked over and raised an eyebrow "w-what, what are you laughing at?"

"You made me look like a damn hipster!" Connor scoffed, and Evan felt his face burn up, but not nearly as bad as it usually did.

Evan quickly went to pull out the hair band holding up his, only recently, long hair. It fell to his shoulders and he looked down, letting it hide his definitely red face.

"Y-you made me look like I got out of bed and made my hair look worse." Evan joked and Connor nodded. "Fair, I guess."

It was quiet for a bit. The boys didn't know each other, but they were stuck in some, bizarre trick where they ended up in each other's bodies.

" How did my family act this morning?" Connor asked, curious on how they could have made him look like some thing that was ruining their lives.

"Zoe almost hit my with a baseball bat, your dad said I was high, and your mom was kind, I guess." Evan srugged and Connor was a little confused about the baseball bat part, but wasnt surprised by anything else. His mom was trying, and he knew it. She was the only person he was glad about, but she just wasn't doing very good at making anything work.

"Baseball bat?" Connor asked.

" I fell off the bed and made a really loud noise." Evan looked up at him for a few seconds before looking back down. He wasn't a big fan of the way his own face looked.

" Fuck, what are we doing? What are we going to do? How are we supposed to deal with this?" Connor put his hands onto his face, feeling how his face, wasn't his own.

"We could, um," Evan paused for a while. "Not talk to people? O-or pretend to be each other until we find out how to fix it?"

Connor thought for a few seconds before pulling up his head just a little bit. "That's not a bad idea. But we don't know anything at all, about each other."

"Right! But we could learn about each other an-" Evan stopped himself from speaking. "Oh my god. No, that was so stupid I'm sure you wouldn't want to learn about me, and have to know what I'm like, an-"

"What else are we gonna do?" Connor sighed, running a hand through his newly, short hair.

Evan took a deep breath and looked down "I don't know." He put his face into his hands.

Connor was against the idea. He didn't want to talk to the boy who's body he was currently in. He didn't want to have Evan learn about how Connor acts. He didn't want to have to learn about Evan. But as he was stuck in his body, Connor didn't have much of a choice.

Evan was Terrified. The situation was scary enough, but with Connor having to be the one he was doing this with? Evan knew things were going to be embarrassing.

He also knew that at one point Connor was going to have to shower. That made his face go red in his hands.

"When do you want to meet up and talk? Preferably somewhere that isn't a park bench?"

Evan looked up, his face still a little red. "I- um, there's the orchard. We could go there on the weekends or after school sometimes?"

Connor nodded a bit and stood up, "Alright. Tomorrow yeah? Can you drive?"

Evan nodded and stood up after him. "Pick me up. We'll talk tomorrow about classes if you want." Connor took a breath, and began to walk off.

"W-what do I tell your parents?" Evan stopped him.

"Tell them I got in a fight or something I guess. Larry will be on your ass, but mom will be, less, on your ass."

"Ok, t-thanks. Um. Mom probably won't be there." Evan began walking and Connor joined him.

The boys talked as they walked each other home. Mostly about their classes other than the few they had together. They were so unsure what else to talk about.

This would be difficult, and both boys didn't have a doubt about that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment I'll love u forever :')


	5. A backstory nobody asked for but everyone needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!!!we have over a 1000 hits! We can't believe it! Thanks so much! This is a chapter about Alex in celebration! Follow our Instagram for art that I've drawn at two_flaming_bisexuals(which is currently a bit empty) love you!!! I accidentally deleted this so now I wanna cry a lil bit.

Alex, is in no doubt, the most clumsy witch in her family.

At 6 years old, she broke her first amulet, riding her scooter, when she got rammed into by one of her friends. She protested the punishment of no dessert after dinner because she wasn't the one that rode into herself. It didn't work.

Right after her 8th birthday, she failed at making her first hex bag. While searching around the river for different rocks, she had dropped her bag in the cold rushing water. She had nearly fallen in too after trying to grab it. She cried herself to sleep that night after being yelled at by her mother. She didn't try to make another one for years.

When she was 10, she tripped over her shoelaces and broke her right arm. Her father saw an opportunity for her mother to try and teach her how to get rid of pain instead of taking her to the ER.

She had to carry a heavy history book her sister used for her high school studies. She cried walking from the living room to the kitchen. She was too distraught and distracted from pain after putting it down to preform the spell her mother taught her. She was at the ER until 1 in the morning.

When she turned 15 she nearly set the house on fire out of frustration. She had been working on a potion that would help her become calm. She had tried so many times and was determined to finish it before her mother came home from the coven meeting that was held a state away.

After numerous failed attempts she stood up and yelled in frustration, causing her bonsai tree to engulf in flames behind her. She scrambled to put the fire out, and began to cry doing so. Her distress cause any of her previous anger to be pushed away and she successfully completed the potion with help from a charred leaf she took from the tree. That's when she learned her emotions were a key behind her magic.

When she turned 17, she was dropped off at in a town far from her own. She was left in a one bedroom apartment. With a small kitchen and a puny entrance room. She was left there by her parents to let her find her essence as a witch. She though it was because of a fight they'd got into just before they dumped her into the town. She remembers every detail.

"What are you doing?"

"Studying, mother. It's not important."

" I'd like to argue that your future as a successful witch is important Alexis. You don't care. You need to care, you need to take this seriously!"

"I do!"

"Then prove it! Did you manage to do that spell you've been practicing for months?"

"What do you think I'm studying?"

"Absolutely nothing! You haven't done anything worthy of a covens attention in over a year! My coven won't take you if you aren't a good witch!"

"God mother! Is this all I am to you? Someone you can push around to do more than she actually can? I'm not your pet! I'm going to go see Cherry."

"That whore? You said you weren't her friend anymore Alexis!"

"I'm not! I'm her girlfriend now mother! We have feelings for each other! We have for a while."

She remembers the pause of the moment. Right after the slam of her book closing. Right after she told the truth for the first time in months. And how everything could have frozen right then and she wouldn't be able to tell.

She remembers her brother's faces from behind her mother, eyes leaking and terrified of what to come next. She remembers the sentence that left her mother's mouth seconds after. And she remembers what an odd feeling she had after hearing it.

"Get out of my house, you disgusting rat. Stay out, you're no daughter of mine."

So she did. She spent three nights away from her bed. One in a park, where she slept on a bench. One in her girlfriends house, who broke up with her the next morning for being "too dependent". And the last in a the police station, where her parents were called to pick her up.

She was driven to the small town, dropped off, and was left alone with nothing but the apartment that was rented, a moving box of clothes, and 900 dollars.

She tried getting a job. But since she wasn't a legal adult yet, no one saw her very reliable. She ended up selling weed. It worked, and her parents paid her rent and utilities every other month, and the weed money was enough for food and decent furniture.

Things were working. She would practice her magic. Sleep, eat, work. It was simple. But she wanted something, she was unsatisfied. She was craving revenge. Nothing bad, maybe just something to shove into her mother's face. Something to prove she wasn't some rebellious teenager who happened to know how to use magic.

Then she met Connor Murphy, she was his new dealer. She saw he was alone, depressed, degraded. She wanted to do something for him. She was kind to him. She felt better about herself, but, it wasn't enough.

She wanted to help him, she wanted to make him not so alone, and not so depressing. It was really rubbing off on her and she wasn't very appreciative.

She began to meet other witches. They were all older than her, and more advanced, so she it help from them, and he had learned more in a week than she had in months. She was getting better.

She was proud of herself.

She had an unofficial coven who joined together as the elements, which was uncommon, but not entirely rare. There was four witches when she joined and they gladly took her in as the final piece.

She was lost in the group. Her mother had refused to teach her basic things about Wicca or anything witches really do. She was placed in as the element of fire after a few questions. It was what she imagined being placed in a Hogwarts house was like but, without the hat.

She could think for hours about her coven. But that's for another time because Connor seemed to get worse week after week.

She decided, she wanted to do something that would fix most of his problems at once. Some big plan that went perfect. He was alone, and he didn't have anyone to talk to.

So she'd find someone for him. Definetly not herself, she was gay, and so was he.

Like she couldn't find that out after their second time meeting.

She looked, and looked, and looked, and her lack of knowledge for the locals, didn't help. Luckily one of the witches she had joined with, (who represented the spiritual element)happened lots of things about people living in the neighborhood.

She found out her neighbor was 25, he wasn't naturally a blonde, and he moved there to get away from his Mormon parents. She also found out that her landlord laundered money, and was lying about her name and age, she apparently has a son in Jersey? But she wasn't going to bring it up.

Apart from her neighbors and landlord, she found out lots of things about kids from Connor's school.

There was a few that seemed somewhat compatible. Quiet kids mostly. But as she continued to learn about Connor, the options felt as if they were constantly narrowing.

She was growing hopeless, and she was put down to just a few people. They're all outcasts, quiet and collected externally. They either had few friends or no friends at all.

The older kid, he was quiet, he had friends but was ultimately labelled as some bother to them. Alex was unsure why, and she knew something was up with the kid, so she took it into her own hands to find out what exactly.

She purposely ran into him at the grocery store, pretending to not pay attention. He dropped the basket filled with drain cleaner and some book about an unknown subject, it was in German. Why they sold german books at the grocery store, she didn't know but didn't really care at the moment. He began cursing under his breath.

" Oh! Sorry, i didn't see you, I wasn't exactly paying attention. Need help with that?" She reached down to pick it up for him and he grabbed her wrist.

"No, I don't." He hissed and shoved her hand away. She felt a little off about his reaction but backed off, it wasn't enough proof he'd be totally incompatible with Connor.

"Sorry, you like to read?" She pointed to the book, grasping at straws on reasons to continue the conversation.

"What's it about?" She smiled, as welcoming as possible. He looked at her with a odd expression.

She was still hopeful that maybe he wasn't what he had seemed so far. But it continued going down the wrong path. "None of your business. Dirty fuckin' freak." He turned and began walking off

The second part was mumbled, barely heard. She furrowed her brows, and didn't have to act out her confusion. "Sorry, excuse me?"

"Fuck off." He was agitated, and the reasons we're getting clearer and clearer everytime they spoke.

"I'm sorry what did I do to you?" She suddenly became defensive. There was no way this dude was actually serious. He turned his head back over to her.

"Go back to your fucking country."

Alex became immediately ten times upset then she was before. "And what country would that be?" She asked, loudly enough for a few people around them to hear and turn to listen to the conversation.

"I don't fucking know? Mexico?" He got face to face with her again. Alex felt hot with rage. How dare he, they hadn't spoken in their entire lives and he was treating her as some freak.

"I was born in Texas, asshole!" She flipped him off and began walking out. She had to resist the urge to set him on fire or something. But she wasn't a dark witch. She would never use her magic against someone like that.

Connor wasn't like that. Connor would never be like that. She didn't know him too well but he never acted like that to her or anyone else, not that he got out much.

Alex had another meeting with Connor almost immediately after that, and she striked on conversation. His bed was covered in candy as they talked light-heartedly.

"What's your ideal boyfriend?" She prompted him. His natural response was to take the joint out of his mouth and laugh.

"What?" He smiled, high off of his balls. "Are we 12 or something?" He scoffed, smoke pouring out of his mouth.

"Shut up!" She giggled. "You know I'm a lesbian and you know I go after pretty girls like your sister. " She winked.

"I want to know what dudes your into." She finished with a smile, and popped a Skittle into her mouth. She was amazed Connor was as open with her, maybe because they were both somehow similar. She knew he wasn't entirely open to her, and he wouldn't trust her fully. But she felt honored to have a glimpse of the mushy parts of Connor Murphy.

"I swear if you flirt with my sister I'll probably vomit" he laughed softly. "I don't know. The opposite of me?" He took another hit, and thought for a second. "Ok not the total opposite. Maybe just relatable?" He shrugged. "I don't know. You know I don't do boyfriends I just suck dick for weed sometimes." He smiles.

"Gross, Connor." She smiles. "Keep the Skittles. I just wanted the red ones anyway." Alex gets up off of his bed and walks out.

"Bless your soul for the Skittles but can you fucking close my door?" He yells. A few seconds later she goes back and closes his door.

That night she did research with her makeshift coven on the few other boys that were a possibility for Connor. She knew what spell she was going to cast. She knew what she was doing. But she couldn't help but to hope that she didn't accidentally turn Connor into a frog. Her next few attempts with those possible soulmates, as she liked to call them, were all failures and Alex was running out of options.

She had 5 boys to confront. And soon enough another name was crossed out in her red gel pen, and another, and another after that. She was getting restless by the time she found the boy named Evan Hansen.

Her meeting with him was in the park. She pretended to go jogging and accidentally drop a paper out of her pocket. When Evan saw, he did exactly as expected.

"I-wha-um...Miss?" He called out after her, picking up the paper. She turned around a looked at him, pretending to be confused for a couple seconds before smiling kindly.

"Thanks! It's my secret banana bread recipe." She shrugged slightly, an annoying smile still on her face. "Bakery would be totally over if I let this just wander around." She giggled.

Evan smiled back nervously. "Yo-you're um.. you're welcome." There was a short pause, but Alex refused to leave with just that much of a conversation.

"Do you want a business card? If there's a birthday or any celebration coming up I'd love to bake something for you!" She began to dig into the pocket on her pants. "Here you go!" She handed it to him.

"Th-thanks. My mom's birthday is coming up I might, um, take you up on the offer." He smiled politely.

He looked sweaty. Was he ok?

Alex nodded at him "thanks again!" She smiled.

That was a pretty shitty interaction. And it definitely wasn't enough. But she wasnt giving up when she was that close to running out of people.

She went with plan B. Get more information, from the outside. He had one known friend, which broke her heart because there was no way this nice kid was that terrified of other people.

Except he was.

Alex moved on and after an hour or two of planning she bumped into a boy around her age who was the epitome of a nerd who tried too hard to be cool. Maybe she could help him next.

"Oh! Sorry." She laughed nervously, carefully pulling out his wallet and dropping it to make it look like it fell.

"I'll get that." Alex picked it up and smiled softly at him before offering it back to him.

"No problem m'lady I wa-" he paused before looking at her long enough to make her mildly uncomfortable.

"Hi. Where are you going." He mushed. He was cute but too bad she was gay. "Hey, I'm Allondria. I'm on the way to a friend's birthday party. We're getting Korean food." She smiled.

"Oh, sounds wonderful." He pushed his glasses up. God his teeth were ugly. Good thing she was gay. "All of my friends are out of town, I talk to them over text or at summer camp." He smiled "except for one."

"Oh? Tell me more about the one here? If you don't mind?" She flirted, having no real intention of actually dating him.

"He's kind of a dork. He's sweet at heart but he's too pussy to even look at anyone." He scoffed. "He's kind of a bummer." He shrugged.

"Hm. Well I hope he finds his way." She smiles sweetly and walked off to hear him barely utter something about getting her number. She pretends not to hear and goes on her way.

That was enough. She connected enough about Evan Hansen to know that he was the perfect boy to help Connor Murphy get better. He was the boy who needed to get better himself.

He's going to be the boy who saves another by being just as in need of help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyway, sorry this took so goddamn long. I've been very busy and the past few months has been so hard for me in so many ways. I refuse to give up on this fic because I know a lot of people enjoy it. I wish I could explain this hiatus fully, but it would be longer than this chapter. I apologise so much and I hope you enjoyed it ;0
> 
> You guys have been really supportive and I'm really glad you guys are! I'm so glad you guys like it and I really hope you understand this hiatus will be the first of (hopefully) very few.  
> Thanks!

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment I'll love you. Later chapters are going to be longer I promise :')
> 
> TELL ME IF IT SUCKS PLEASE ILL LOVE YOU. I HAVE NO IDEA IF I WRITE GOOD. :')


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